The Quest Begins
My entire life has been a journey of seeking and exploring faith that truly resonates with me. I’ve been driven by an insatiable hunger for a deeper connection with God, yet simultaneously, I’ve felt a strong rejection of the conventional ideas about God that I’ve been taught. It’s like I’ve been searching for a truth that feels authentic, but the more I learn, the more I question.
The Limits of Knowledge
I’ve been encouraged to study scriptures and seek knowledge, but the more I read, the more I realize how uncertain and contradictory it all seems. The violence, contradictions, and varied interpretations have left me wondering if we can truly claim to know God’s accurate picture. I’ve felt like I’m trying to piece together a puzzle with missing fragments.
Moments of Wonder
There have been moments of wonder and awe, where coincidences and unusual events felt like coded messages from the Divine. But even those moments often reinforced what I already believed, rather than introducing me to something new and beautiful.
The Challenge of Community
I’ve connected with wonderful people in various organizations, but often, I’ve felt limited by their rigid adherence to tradition. It’s like we’re speaking different languages, and I can only go so far in those relationships.
Grappling with the Unknown
I’ve spent countless hours pondering the nature of God, humanity, and our collective struggles. I’ve grappled with the sins of our culture and wondered how to respond. But the more I reflect, the more I realize that I’m not immune to those same evils. We’re all intertwined, and the consequences of our actions ripple through our lives.
A Persistent Faith
Despite the uncertainty and complexity, I still believe in a power greater than myself. I still yearn for a God I can’t fully comprehend, and a being I can only begin to fathom. My finite mind can’t grasp the infinite, but my heart hungers for it.
A Path Forward
I believe I’ve been guided in ways I don’t fully understand, and that this journey has shaped me in ways that are ultimately for my good. I believe that love is real, and that showing up in the world means living out my understanding of love, no matter how imperfect it may be. Even if my longing for the infinite is just a product of my imagination, my life is richer for pursuing it.
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